Survive: The Psycho Home Invasion

Survive home invasionThe horror fan must consider many horrible scenarios. In some cases, such as the demonic possession, supernatural strength and invisibility limit your options. The psycho home invasion is no less horrific, but certainly survivable. The problem with said survival is that in the event of such an occurrence the past can determine your fate. The choices you’ve already made and the attitude you already embrace places you in the “oh yeah I got this” or the “police found the dead bodies” column. Of course, it isn’t too late to change a bad trajectory…provided that psycho invasion doesn’t happen this evening.

Psycho home invasion survival comes down to a distinction between “sheep” and “wolf” mentality. Sheep wait for an outside source of rescue – wolves check morality and social conditioning at the door until the job is done. Thoughts such as “others share your good heart,” “bad things don’t happen to bad people,” and the ill-fated “this can’t be happening” are the hallmarks for a bad evening with psycho intrusions. Survival is preparedness – perhaps not as extreme as say your average doomsday prepper or Montana militia, but certainly the proper mindset and preemptive decision making. Survival is mostly about attitude and willingness to forgo social niceties  for at least a few hours. Here are the top five:

1. The Optimism Bias: Mostly you believe these things only happen in the movies and mostly you are correct. But if…if…it does happen your initial reaction may still be one of bias. You’ll think, “if I cooperate everything turns out okay.” Nope.  You have about ten seconds to determine if this is a typical home invasion robbery or if it is playground time for a psycho or group of psychos. You can answer that questions right now. Are you a high powered banking executive? Perhaps you have access to high value secrets? Your house adorned with expensive, priceless art or jewelery? Flush with cash? No? Then why do you think these folks are in your home? If you answered “no” to the afore mentioned questions, then the motives are not about taking your “stuff.” I’m sure it’s nice stuff, but home invasion robberies are scarce…burglaries are easier. So if they’re not interested in in your 48” Sanyo television then what do you think they are interested in? You, your family, a little torture and certainly your painful death. If you’re going to survive the first thing you need to do is believe that this will be your last night on earth unless you act…and then act!

2. Your Pet: In my entire lifetime I’ve heard maybe two stories about a cat saving a human life. I conclusively know that police departments do not have feline units. You know what else won’t save you? The cute little cat in a dog suit that you bought. Oh little Bella or Doris or whatever will yap and yap…until one of the invaders crush its skull or drop kick it against the wall. See you’ve already made a bad choice in surviving…you bought a doll instead of a dog. I love my dog. He is family friendly and very obedient. He’s also 130 pounds with a bite strength around 600psi (thats almost twice as strong as a wolf). My dog’s breed never adorned the laps of royalty…he was used in war. He may not survive the encounter, but he’s gonna take a last one or two of them out and give me time to get the other thing that you should embrace…

My family Pet

My family Pet

3. The Right to Bear Arms: I’ll avoid the politics of this topic. Gun’s outside the home may be open for debate, but inside the home, a 12 gauge is probably the best $200 investment you can make to protect against any invasion. So while some of you are running to the kitchen to get a knife while little fluffy is getting her head stomped, I’m listening to my presa canario open up a few throats while I get my gun. Even crazy people don’t like the gameShotgun when the intended victim has a massive guard dog and a big loud killing shotgun. Of course even with those odds in your favor, your in trouble if you…


4. Hesitate: Surviving is about action. The faster you move, evade, attack the better the odds that this ends well for you and is the invaders last night on the planet. The psycho invasion is not a negotiation. You can’t talk your way out of it. No one is listening to reason. You’re not the police, you don’t have to yell “freeze” to a group of psychos in your house or apartment. Don’t hesitate. “But they’re holding a knife to the throat of my loved one.” Yes they are and when you give yourself up, they will be sticking that knife in your gut…and then beating, assaulting and killing your loved one.  Here’s the thing: If they are really psychotic then they are going to kill all of you no matter what. If they are just scumbags then they want to kill you but they don’t want to die. So shoot one of them. If the guy holding the knife runs, you did the right thing. If he kills your loved one, then you know that none of you were every getting out anyway…so kill him too…and the rest of them. I said “kill” and that is the final potential mistake you can make. Forgetting the code of…scarface-pacino3



5. 2 in the Chest- 1 in the Head: We’ve seen it a hundred times in a hundred movies. The victim gains the upper hand and foolishly believes the killer is going to stay down long enough for the victim can rest. It never works out. Make certain they never, ever get up. Now you can either empty your gun on them or use a blunt instrument to flatten their skulls or if you can’t breech the moral ground of killing…take out their eyes. Any way just be certain they aren’t going to go Mike Myers on you.


I know a bit rough, a bit bloody and it all sounds a bit cold, but hey you didn’t pick this fight. You’re not a counselor or on the board of morality. What you are is a survivor using the tactics required when your enemy is – a cold, torturing, killing animal. If you want to survive you have to meet them on their own ground.

Homedefense mode


2 responses to “Survive: The Psycho Home Invasion

  1. Ok, so I don’t own a gun, and have two dogs with a combined weight equal to your dog’s head. If a home invasion occurs its not because of financial gain. Do I try to take take the fight to the psychos so my loved ones can get away? Or do I take the lives of the people I love most in this world so they do not endure a horrible death? What would you do in this scenario?

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